Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mothers Day Nana.

Last year for Mother's Day I bought a card for my Nana. In it I told her how much she meant to me, how important she was to our family and how I can never imagine going through the obstacles she had to endure in her lifetime. It sat on my nightstand for a couple of days until eventually I missed the date to send it so it would reach to her in time for Mother's Day. I did something that I will regret for the rest of my life; I naively saved it for the next year.
I visited my family in July and I got a chance to spend some time with my grandma. The night before I left she came to dinner at my mother in laws house. Chad and I were leaving for Seattle very early the next morning and the last thing my Nana said to me was come to my room before leaving and say bye to me.
Nana had been staying with my parents and sleeping in my old bedroom. The next morning I tiptoed upstairs and wanted to wake her up without alarming her. I gently called her name, gave her a hug and said bye Nana, I'm leaving. I love you.
Before I even walked out of the bedroom door she was fast asleep again.
One month later while asleep in Seattle, I received several phone calls early in the morning from my dad.  Nana had a heart attack and by the end of the day, I received a text from my mom who was by her side that read: Bikku, she is gone. Nana will not be coming home again.

The night before her funeral I laid awake for a long time trying to write her a tribute.  Like most people put in that position, I didn't know what to say.    This was the first time anyone so close to me died.  My dear husband has not been so lucky.  He has buried several members of his family: grandparents, aunts, uncles, and his favorite person in the world, his sister.  She was only 26 when she died.

Nana was 83.

It was an open casket, but I couldn't bring myself to look inside.  That's not the last image I wanted of my grandmother.

My brother played the piano while singing Abide With Me. His voice fighting tears during the second verse. I went up and read the words I managed to scribble down. I started crying after the first sentence, but somehow took a deep breath and finished my tribute without completely breaking down.

My sister has her ups and downs with every member of our family, but never with Nana.  She always made it a point to visit her, spend time with her and even stay with her. She would make her sugar free desserts so she would never feel deprived of anything because of her diabetes. She would call her and talk to her on the phone all the time; I have never seen my sister treat anyone with the love and attention she gave Nana. My sister read her tribute, without a quiver in her voice.   In her tribute she referenced how much strength Nana gave her in becoming a strong independent woman.

In my tribute I referenced knitting.

After Chad and I got married she said to me, Bikku now I can leave this earth I wanted to see my grandchildren get married.  Luckily we had another year with her before she passed away.

I want more years with her.  To sit with her, hold her hand and look at her sweet smiling face.

But who wouldn't do anything for just one more day with a loved one they lost.

Happy Mothers Day Nana. 

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